If ya can help….


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New Blog

is over here if your interested:


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Round Two…

So, I have been stagnant and away from this lifestyle for many years.  Although I have missed it, it just wasn’t meant to be anymore and no one had entered my life that I deemed worthy of this type of trust.  Until now.  Looks like I’m about to return to my roots with a new man, a man that I am certain is my soul mate.  Slight twist to this because although He has some very dominant traits, He has never been involved in a relationship on this level.  This will be His maiden voyage to the dark side.  I will probably chronicle the events as I did here, however it will be on another blog.  He deserves His own space.

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I’ve decided not to force myself to forget or down play what I still feel for you. Because I know I can’t. It would take forever. I will find a way to mend myself but it’ll take a while. A long while.

I thought when it was finally over that I simply move on. Or I was expecting myself to at least feel better or relieved about this. For I really tried. Everyone who has eyes can see that.  You deserved better. I know he treated you far better.

It seems that it’s harder than I thought.  This week 5 different dreams related to you. Five. I’m not joking. I can literally remember every one of them. And every one of them is about you trying to get rid of me. I woke up in tears at 11am, totally unable to believe myself. If only I could fix this.

I hardly have any energy left.

I’m really broken.

I can not hide from your memory or avoid it. In fact I still very much want to see you. Just see you. Nothing else.

I only want you.

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I don’t write here anymore:

but that doesn’t mean I can’t link to some funny ass shit, right?

I still don’t have any idea what in the hell this is either!!

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New Scenery

Does NOT mean I am going to start posting here again.  Or that anything at all has changed, because it hasn’t.  I changed the background because it was such a freaking mess you couldn’t tell which way was up.

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I’m only posting here because I just got an unwelcome  jolt from the past.  Many people, I mean 40-100 a day come and read this blog.  This is the only reason I have not yet deleted it.  I feel obligated to help those of you in the lifestyle even though I have chosen to leave it.

I came here today to delete it.

I have changed my mind.  4 the moment.

I did notice that almost ALL of the dates on here are wrong.  I stopped talking to this man in early 2007.  February or March.  So, wordpress has seriously fucked something up.  I just felt it VERY necessary to point out the wrong dates listed throughout this entire blog.   Hopefully I will b able to delete the history off of my computer  good enough that he doesn’t come across it.

Yes, my Fella knew about this part of my life, but He certainly didn’t/doesn’t approve of it.

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