Pulling myself together

So, i am up very early for me. i am sitting here with my cup of coffee and my cigarette, and i’m so much calmer. Things are still a mess, but i have decided that loosing my mind is not going to help. Now, don’t get me wrong, i always KNOW that loosing my mind isn’t going to help, but i can’t seem to stop myself. Not this time. This time there will be no cutting, no trips to the funny farm, no going off the deep end. i have worked too damn hard to have some peace and serenity in my life, and i am not going to loose it. i refuse to let my life keep cycling down the drain. No more cheating on my diet, (i had wine and deep fried food, dammit) no more anxiety attacks, and no more puking. i’m not exactly sure how i’m going to pull this off. By actually talking to my friends and using the skills i have learned during my countless trips to therapy. By blogging. By hanging on to those routines. By continuing my diet and fitness regimen so that i feel good in my body. By not giving up. i will whether this storm. And, the ones that come afterwards. i don’t know why i get so many curveballs. But, focusing on that doesn’t help a fucking thing. In poker you can win with a shitty hand if you know what you are doing. And, dammit, i am learning what i am doing. And, i AM GOING TO BE OKAY.

i cannot save the world. There is no stopping me. i am going to improve my life. FUCK YOU FATE. i don’t care what you have in store for me. i will handle it. i will not become one of those people who get shaken off the mortal coil by continuous drama. Fuck the drama. In the end, i’ll still be standing. Just as i am now. i may get unsteady, i may fall on my ass time to time. But, i’ll always get back up. i’ll always keep fighting. And, i won’t ever give up and roll over. So fuck you fate, and your shitty cards. i’ll just learn to play a different game.

Go forth and buy new album:


About Mae East

Brooklyn NYC and vicinity.
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