We went through a rough patch. That was clear to see. It lasted a long time. We turned a corner somewhere into a very unhappy place. In fact, when last September rolled around and i had to start writing a blog to keep from losing my sanity, i named it his angel because i wasn’t sure i was his slave anymore. i wasn’t sure i was his little girl. i wasn’t sure of anything except that i was his. As long as he would have me i was his. And before we got to this point in time (when we’ve turned another corner) i wasn’t even sure of that anymore.
Recently, i made a new friend. We talked about how D/s and M/s relationships can change and the accompanying growing pains. It was good to have someone truly listen and understand how badly you ache for your Master even while you fear their return. Because i did come to a point where i feared S’s brief returns into dominance. They only fed my hopes to leave me crushed and aching when it didn’t work out again. It felt good to talk. To know i wasn’t alone. That even if our issues weren’t identical, someone understood my feelings. If you are reading this new friend, thank you.
So, today, S and i talked. We’ve been reconnected for a while now. Really reconnected. Little things that used to blow us apart have not. i have not been too needy and driven him away. He has not been cold and oblivious. Its been working. Just like it did for so many years. Really working. Except I missed one of his calls and I promised I’d answer. So i got my pants pulled down and leaned over the desk and the paddle applied until i was near tears. And, then i had to know. What are we? What am i? Why should i lean over the desk for him? Not that i wanted to refuse, but that i wanted to know why.
Its because i am his slave. One he neglected for a long time. One who ran wild and needs to be retrained. One who feels insecure in her abilities sometimes. But, that’s what i am. i am his slave. And, his little girl. And, his lover. And, his best friend. And, his confidant. And, his confessor. And, his woman. And, always his angel.