S and i seem to be coming to the end of our rough patch. i hope. At any rate we had mind blowing sex. He started with the vibrator. The sex has not been very good for me for a while and my body had just naturally turned itself off. i couldn’t feel it. “Try to feel it.” “i can’t.” “Just try.” So i did. It was hard, but finally it began to break through. And he used the vibe to hurt me worse and worse until i had and explosive orgasm that left me limp on the bed. “Again,” he insisted. i didn’t know how i’d do it again. But soon my clit was burning aching agony and my inner walls and muscles screaming in protest and i climaxed with a gasping yelp, squirming beneath him. Then he got a belt and whipped me with it. my upper thighs front and back and my butt. He kept going until he made me cry and beg him to stop. i was ashamed but he said not to be, that he had wanted to push me to my limits. That i had done exactly as he wanted and there was no shame in that. Then he made me beg for his cock. By then i was quite into it and the feeling of gratitude that swept through me when he began to fuck my throat was sublime. He buried it deep and just rode my face for a while, telling me the whole time how he loved me, how i was his, how no one else could please him the way i did. And, then he started to fuck me. On my back first, legs high in the air, pile driving me, drawing cries of pain and satisfaction from me. It hurt badly, but with each thrust, each word he spoke, i felt something in me begin to heal. All i wanted was to be wanted. And, want me he did. He rode me doggy style, he got me on my back again, he turned me most painfully onto my side. He used my cunt every which way. i have been reclaimed. Thank goodness. It was lonely sitting on the lost and found shelf. i hope to enjoy life back on S’s leash. It’s where i’m happy.
So, i had gotten pretty damn depressed lately. Downright icky. And, so, S has decided i need reigning in. He is quite right, i thrive under conditions of fairly tight control, and tend to wilt with too much freedom. So i have spent the past two days getting very well reacquainted with just what a bastard S can be when he puts his mind to it. This morning he had me lay on the bed beside him on my tummy, and i was whining and crying about not wanting a spanking. i was scared of the pain, and feeling emotional, and just plain not ready. He began with his hand but he was hitting me really really hard. i was totally unprepared, and i did not handle it well at all. i was squirming away, and my hands kept flying back to protect my butt. He was not having it. He threw his leg over me to hold me down and whipped my ass until his hand started to really throb. By this time i was crying, and pretty much a hysterical mess. He demanded i get the paddle. Now, you would think i would have had enough sense to see that he meant to do it, and that resistance was futile… but i’m sad to say, i did not just go get the damn paddle. Why do i do these things? i began to plead again. “Please, honey, i just can’t stand it, please give me a minute, please, please and please.” Needless to say, S wasn’t impressed. He sighed, and told me in his most stern voice that i was not obeying and that i had better just get the fucking paddle. i may be dumb sometimes, but not a total idiot, i shut up and got it for him. i struggled with myself again when i lay down beside him. i was completely convinced that i couldn’t stand it. That the pain was unbearable, and i would simply die if he paddled me. i lay down very reluctantly but screamed and thrashed away with the first stroke. S sighed again. He threw his leg over me and absolutely wore my ass out with the paddle. Each stroke felt like molten fire on my ass and before i could recover from one the next was upon me. He was careful to strike in the same two spots repeatedly, maximizing the agony. Finally, the pain reached a fever pitch and i gave into it. i was able to lay still and quit fighting, every stroke still an exercise in endurance, but now a welcome torture. i felt the fear and worry slipping from me as i gave into S’s ministrations. It went on way past when i felt it would stop, but by the time he finally did, i didn’t want him to. i felt worn out and i was hurting so badly that when he ran his hand gently over my ass i felt like screaming. my nose was clogged from crying and my throat raw from screaming, but i felt about a thousand times better. He then announced that he was not happy about my disobedience (big surprise there huh?) and that he had let me get whiney by not beating me more frequently. i didn’t much like the direction this conversation was going in, but i was having trouble thinking. Suddenly without warning he jammed his unlubbed fingers into my ass, making me howl. “This is what happens to whiney girls,” he informed me, twisting his fingers in me cruelly. It felt as though i were being ripped apart, but i was back under his thumb by then and i did not protest, squirm or whine. i parted my legs a bit farther, and then lay there, enduring my punishment. He used his fingers to torture me a bit farther, then picked up the paddle and gave me a few more licks, which i lay still for. Then he threw the paddle aside and cuddled me close. While he told me how much he loved me, and reassured me that he would take care of me, i felt the last of the weight of fear and unhappiness slide from my shoulders, and i snuggled closer to him. i am still very sore… but i am very happy to be back on the short reign.