Where are you in the blowjob ring?


For those entering the blowjob ring in anticipation of my next post, “How to Give a Blowjob,” please find the appropriate level most suited to your taste and repeat the following mantras.

A special note to beginners: keep repeating until you can actually look the penis in the eye and not run away screaming.

Beginners:*

* The penis is not icky.
* The penis is my friend.
* It likes me very very much.
* I will look the penis in the eye.
* I will not run away screaming.
* I WILL LOOK THE PENIS IN THE EYE.

Intermediate:*

* It is not a penis. It is a dick.
* The dick is my homeboy.
* A dick is not icky. Not nearly as bad as it was at first glance. Or fifty.
* I’m down with dick. We’re cool.
* I like to make the dick jump with joy when it sees me.
* I can get on that.

Advanced:**

* It is not a dick. It is a cock.
* The cock is kinda hot. Really hot.
* I respect the cock.
* The cock is my bitch.
* I know how to make it happy.
* And it sure does know how to make me happy.
* Ooooh yeah, mama wants me some of that.

Sex Goddess:**

* I need cock.
* I crave cock.
* GIVE ME COCK NOW.
* INEEDCOCKINMYMOUTHRIGHTNOW.

Every Guy’s Fantasy Woman:***

* “Hey sweetie, why don’t I get you a cold beer while you put on the game, and during the next commercial break I’ll give you a blowjob. Sound good?”

*only say these inside your head. Quietly. Inside your head.
**these are hot enough to say aloud.
***this usually leads to a drunken proposal. Not that I know. Twice.

Advertisements

About Mae East

Brooklyn NYC and vicinity.
This entry was posted in Sex. Bookmark the permalink.