Letter to my master:


So I’m out here kicking them damn rocks around again, leash attached. Hope I don’t choke myself. But it’s necesary I know. I have spent the past 2 days trying to figure out what the hell my problem is. So I went in search of answers. Reaching out and diggin deep. So here it goes, 100% honesty included. *sighs*

Looking back before I met you, I knew what I wanted. I wasn’t sure what I would do with it once I got it. I had no experience to draw on. I only knew that to be true to myself, this was something I needed to make me feel complete. I barely got out of the starting gate and ran right into you. I felt as though I had just hit a brick wall, stopped me dead in my tracks no matter where I stepped. No man has been able to do that. This is how I knew you were the dominant for me.

I am a submissive with alot to learn. It’s not enough to just have a submissive nature. It goes far beyond the bdsm play. I’m learning about myself and what kind of submissive I want to be. Trying to blend those things together has been a bit of a challenge. At the same time I’m trying to find my place with you.

This is what I’ve learned the past 2 days…*breathes*

1.) I actually go thru physical withdrawal of physical pain. Some would call me nuts for saying that. But it’s true. I think you know what I’m saying, after all you are a sadist and I am a masochist. When I’m telling you that I’m aching, I mean I’m ACHING. It affects how I function physically, mentally and emotionally. Going to the gym may cause physical pain, but it’s not the kind I need. Getting mentally bogged down is painful, not the kind of pain I need. Going into a rage or breaking down, again not the emotional pain I need. Going to others to find relief doesn’t work. I need the pain of a sadist. It’s all connected to you. You have my body.

2.) Being with other men, unless you approve or desire this, fucks me up in the head. Because mentally I know I belong to you, that is where my pain has to come from. It’s all connected to you. You have my mind.

3.) FEAR…I have so much fear. Giving in to the unknown. The last emotion I need to tackle. For me, fear is connected to my heart. Which leads me to the L word…yep, there it is. Why is it there? Because you are married. I know you’re saying to yourself…not this again. But this is huge Master. In order for me to become your true submissive, I have to give you my heart. I can’t get around that. I don’t want to get hurt. It’s not something I think about alot. But it’s been there for a few days now. I wanted to share that with you now so I can move forward in my training. In giving you my heart, I will have no need to play hide & seek. So I am going to conquer my fear by replacing it with trust. In saying that, I’m offering you my heart if you will accept it.

4.) Last piece…my submission. I believe that if you have all the above, my submission will come easier. I will no longer want to fight what’s inside of me. I am giving myself to you to fulfill your wishes and desires. I will no longer lead my own way, I will follow you.

And Master, thank you for giving me time to find my way back to you.

I have betrayed your trust..and I truly hope you will not release me because of it.

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About Mae East

Brooklyn NYC and vicinity.
This entry was posted in Life, Love, my m/s obsession, S Worship, Submission. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Letter to my master:

  1. masterhyyde says:

    Angel, there is no longer any reason to kick yourself. You are forgiven, you are not released, you will be physically punished by me, but you are still loved and desired.

    I understand that this is a tough spot that we are in, it isn’t perfect, but it is what it is. We found each other, we are looking for the same, are finding the same, and are working through the same.

    I knew/know you were getting weak, it has been SO LONG for us…but I am sure you learned a lot about being owned, and a lot about yourself, as your post has indicated.

    I want you to sleep well, and we will talk soon my slut.

  2. tikiboss34 says:

    Be careful where you are kicking those rocks. one just hit me in the head.

  3. takethemoneyRUN says:

    OMG

    That letter is god damn beautiful….

  4. metalmama69 says:

    beautiful…

  5. Beautiful , sweet obedient Chocolate Slave girl says:

    I wrote this to my master, 3 months have passed and still he ignores me.
    I only made a tiny mistake after years of servitude. Fuelled by champagne and childish stupidity my heart got broken.
    How can I win him back? I’m lost, adrift.
    In desperate need of something, advise? Sympathy? A telling off? I just don’t know.
    Ok here’s my last wordings to Master:

    ……………………………….It is better to remain silent and appear a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

    My Dearest M
    I just can’t help loving you.
    You’ve truly broken my self resolve.
    I’m ashamed at my pathetic ness
    I’ve even lost all respect of myself.
    How can a mature intelligent woman who can function daily sensibly in polite society become weakened and pathetic because of you??? I hide my longing and my emotions for you from everyone and from all civility
    I’m grateful for your disregard. My wretchedness and my pathetic neediness for your guidance and control of me is humiliating. I’m so ashamed at what I’ve become regarding you. I’ve stooped so low exposing myself of all dignity and logic. I hate that I’m so weak For you. Exposing myself as a beaten down confused weak pathetic and needy character. Hiding my lust for you daily yet dreaming of you constantly. Thus far I’m way too afraid of your judgement of me. I’m undeserving of any response. Lacking in all conviction. Accusingly Of the pretence of blame and upset yet knowing full well my sins. Deviously Seeking an out of my faults.
    In my defence I believe you made me like this. Your impact and your tutelage created my subservience. Because of you I’ve become derailed.
    Because of your absence of late I’ve lost all my self control. I’ve succumbed to artificial gratification and pseudo pleasures in your absence. I’m so desperate of discipling. I’m in need of guidance I’m aware of how lost and pathetic I am without you. I’ve shown myself foolish and pathetically exposed to you. You’ve broken me. I’ve no self respect with you. I’m your devoted servant. I come to you pure and unshielded of any hindrance. Alas our secret fetishes and side seductions has unlocked a creature within me. This dormant creature has now been awakened and must be fed I have embraced celibacy awaiting your angry vengeful cock thrusting and fucking me into submission.
    I’m so ripe for a non verbal severe hard beating. Mute and accepting of your delicious hard angry cock plunging into my wet moist hungry pussy. Angry with rage pounding hard against my buttocks. Ramming in and out furiously, my pussy juice gushing plentifully on your cock and dripping down my thighs.
    Please master call upon me and I’ll run to you. No words just severe heavy bloody beating. Beat all your rage upon me. Allow me to bleed for you. Let my body be thrashed and beaten severely until your done. No words no explanations just my bloody beaten naked body taking all your wrath.
    I give to you all I have to give.
    I patiently await my chance to prove my worth to my master.
    I also will accept and deserve wholly your silence.

    Sincerely yours
    s

    Master just summon me. I’ll run to you. I’ll take my punishment gladly quietly and with gratitude.

    What am I doing wrong??
    Please help me. x

    • Mae East says:

      Each relationship has its own boundaries. I wish I knew how to help you. I know that my man does not like me to be weak or show signs of weakness. So I know mine would do something I wouldn’t like if I sent him a letter like yours.

      • Me says:

        Hence my misery. I’m certain I’ve lost him for good. I deserve it. Hopefully in time I can accept and let go. I’ve been blessed to even experience such joy.
        I Thank you. X
        s

      • Mae East says:

        What is meant to be, will be. šŸ™‚

      • Mae East says:

        BTW, I am no longer with the gentleman this blog is about.. I left..

        and found another dom who I believe I was meant to be with so don’t give up on yourself.

      • Anonymous says:

        Thank you soooooo much!!
        Wishing you happiness and love forever. Xxxxx

      • Mae East says:

        I have a different blog that I write about Him. Lemme know if you wanna read it.

      • Anonymous says:

        Yet again I find myself inebriated ,high and pitiful.
        No wonder my master abandoned me. Your absolutely right Mae. No real Dom would put up with my behavior. It’s self indulgent, self serving bull s**t.
        I must straighten up and fly right
        Thank you. Xx
        s.

  6. Me says:

    Thanks greatly for your heartfelt posts. I’ve come to seek comfort in my times of need. I’m comforted to learn and read beautiful sincere soulful wordings from other subs. Of late I’m a sub without any interaction from my master.
    A slight stupid innocent mistake made at an inappropriate time has been my downfall. 5 months and 12 days since my dismissal.
    Functional in polite society, yet destroyed within. Drinking, drugging in private just to mask my pain. I’m not this. I’m not who I’ve become. Master brought me here. He’s 5 months 12 day silence created this pathetic weak and needy creature that is I.
    I’m ashamed
    s. X

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