Dominance: The act of exercising controlling power: command, control, domination, dominion, mastery, reign, rule, sway.
Submission: The act of submitting to the power of another. The state of being submissive or compliant.
Prior to actually dominating my partner, I researched the theory. The more I researched, however, the more I disagreed with what I read. And what I didn’t disagree with, I found to be unworkable, especially when I considered it in the light of my overall life experience. For example, much of the D/s information I found placed a heavy emphasis on ceremony and titles. However, through my involvement with the public and business, I knew that titles can be hollow and are often largely ineffective. Merely giving someone the title of Manager cannot make people follow them. Likewise, calling someone Sir or Master will not make that person dominant within a relationship, if they do not display the qualities of a dominant person. I can stand in a garage and say I’m a cadillac, but that doesn’t make me one.
My research was not helping me gain any practical knowledge in sexual domination…the art of subtly and not so subtly persuading my partner to submit completely to my dominance. I wasn’t looking for a role playing adventure on a Saturday night, scripted and constrained by rules and terminology…I wanted the ongoing intensity of fully experiencing who I am. But outside of labeling myself, which I had already rejected, what would compel my partner to submit to me? What would convince her that my dominance was more than a role?
The more I considered it, the more logical it seemed that the best way for me to achieve this would simply be to exhibit the qualities of dominance – qualities that would call to and stimulate her naturally submissive qualities, and would allow her the safe space she would need to relax and surrender.
Here is the short list that I came up with:
Trust – I would do exactly what I said I was going to do
Caring – I wouldn’t do anything to intentionally harm
Vision – I would have a plan for what the outcome was for every sexual encounter
Attention to detail – I would pay close attention to what I was doing and its effects on my sub
Creativity – I would constantly push the limits of where we were sexually and never allow boredom to creep in
Knowledge – I would continue to study and work to increase my abilities to create intensely pleasurable situations
Responsibility – I would take all responsibility for setting up all sexual situations and the outcome of them, including my own pleasure.
While my research into D/s didn’t lead me to this conclusion, my lifetime of experience in business indicated that it was the right place to start because it was the logical extension of my day to day experiences. By following my own guidelines, rather than those of the established D/s community, I felt much more confident that my domination experience would be more than in-name-only. My partner would be able to surrender herself fully to me, knowing that my dominance of her was no more a game than her submission to me was.
With this as the basis, I started down the path of sexual domination and satisfaction.