I want to fuck. I want Him to replace the emptiness with His cock. I want to feel Him in my cunt, my mouth and my ass. I want Him to use me as a fuck toy. I want Him to pull my hair and bite my neck and treat like a two bit whore. I want to feel His semen leaking from me. I want to taste it on my tongue. I want to be slapped and pinched and bitten and spat on and used. I want to hurt. Oh god. I NEED TO HURT.
But instead I am with another, one who touches my cheek and tucks a curl behind my ear. He calls me princess and kisses me tenderly. I go to kneel beside Him and He pulls me to His lap and tells me silly jokes until I smile. He leads me to our bed and lays me down and when we make love it is with such gentleness that He takes my breath away.
He makes me feel it, His love for me and mine for Him. He forces me to open up to it again and when I cry because it scares me to let the guard back down He holds me and tells me its ok. I cannot frighten Him off with my tears. Not this time anyway. Do I even want to?
I love Him so much.
I love the other one so much.
I am so gd confused.
Heads up to my readers…this blog is probably going to get confusing. Maybe not tonight, but I promise everyone will soon be as confused and lost as I am.