It’s been awhile

i’m tired of fighting about that whole issue that came up yesterday. i’ve decided to just say fuck it and let it go. Either he accepts me or he can kiss my ass. i am what i am, i have evolved and grown in the damned years he has known me, but that has been constant.
i’m too tired and i have too much other shit to worry about to be bothered with this. He has known me too long to believe i’m a liar or delude himself about what i am. Its just not worth it, and i refuse to be derailed from the work i’m doing by this stupid shit.
It would be real easy to fall into a big whining cycle of hurt and pain about this, but i’m not going to do it. Fuck that. i’m busy.
He knows me. He knows if i wasn’t with him i was fucking someone. And, he knows if i forgot to tell him someone it was just that i forgot. Who gives a fuck about that guy. No one. Not me, not P, not a damn soul that I know. S was just acting the ass. Which i suppose we are all entitled to do from time to time. That’s it, that’s the end of it.
i’m going back to working on me. On finding ways to deal with my bullshit. On finding those fucked up ideas i have left over from childhood and replacing them with rational logic. On enjoying my life. On teaching myself to stand up for myself. And, on doing things just like this. Letting shit that doesn’t make a fuck… go.

Goodbye bullshit. i don’t need you.


About Mae East

Brooklyn NYC and vicinity.
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One Response to It’s been awhile

  1. jade says:

    i have read every post, sat here transfixed, mesmerised, for hours.
    i have cried for you and for S.
    i have laughed at your stubborness, so much like my own.
    i have cringed and flinched during moments of punishment.
    i am wet with imagining.
    i have felt jealousy and relief.
    i am relieved that you have moments of doubt.
    i have felt your need and breathed a sigh at your relief.
    i love that you, like i, have a life filled with messyness and bullshit.

    Most of all, i want to thank you, for revealing and sharing the part of you that is so much like me.


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