The more i read about ‘sub-space’ and ‘flying’ – the more i re-play my first actual experience over and over in my head. At first i thought the reason was because it was such an exquisite feeling, however, now i think it’s also because it bothered me.
For years i had only fantasized about being restrained and blindfolded. i’d always had this thing about having to see what was happening. For once I just wanted to know what it would be like to ‘have’ to feel instead. To be able to experience the anticipation of not knowing what was going to happen next. That was my ultimate fantasy.
So … when He took me to this beautiful cabin with breath taking scenery and proceeded to fulfill that fantasy – it was pure heaven. i suppose now would be a good time to mention – that i never came out and told Him what my fantasy was. He just did everything so perfectly – when He pulled out the blindfold, He seemed quite pleasantly surprised that i wanted what He was presenting to me. (The chance to completely trust and surrender unto Him.)
He made me feel sensations i’d only dreamt of and some i had no idea i wanted (let alone needed or desired). The most amazing feeling of freedom swept over me. i had no choice but to experience – and the experience was out of this world – literally.
As it turns out, what’s been bothering me is that after it was over i started to think that something was wrong with me. i got the feeling that i had upset Him – because i went into ‘sub-space’ so easily and (as He tells me) so quickly. Plus – i really couldn’t answer His questions when we talked about it. It was so hard to explain that i had never experienced that before. (i’m pretty sure He thought S/m was something i was already familiar with – and just didn’t want to tell Him.) It was really hard to gather rational thoughts.
We hadn’t been together long enough for my comfort and trust level to have reached that point. So … as this continued to bother me more and more, i tried to figure out just why it was so easy for me to surrender to Him.
I now realize – that for absolutely no logical/intelligent reason – I felt comfortable and safe beyond measure with Him. At that moment I belonged to Him – whether I liked it or not – whether it was logical or not – whether I understood it or not – it didn’t matter. I’d never felt so safe and protected in my life as I did at that very moment of ‘take off’. I knew I didn’t want to be without this Man. This Man that seemed to know me so well that He could fulfill my deepest desire and make my fantasy a reality, and He did it by simply being Himself.
Thank You! What we had may have ended, but what He taught me will never be forgotten.
i hope this answers some of the questions i couldn’t answer then.