I’ve decided not to force myself to forget or down play what I still feel for you. Because I know I can’t. It would take forever. I will find a way to mend myself but it’ll take a while. A long while.
I thought when it was finally over that I simply move on. Or I was expecting myself to at least feel better or relieved about this. For I really tried. Everyone who has eyes can see that. You deserved better. I know he treated you far better.
It seems that it’s harder than I thought. This week 5 different dreams related to you. Five. I’m not joking. I can literally remember every one of them. And every one of them is about you trying to get rid of me. I woke up in tears at 11am, totally unable to believe myself. If only I could fix this.
I hardly have any energy left.
I’m really broken.
I can not hide from your memory or avoid it. In fact I still very much want to see you. Just see you. Nothing else.
I only want you.